The Science of a Successful Marriage

There is actually a science behind the strongest, most successful, most long-lasting marriages. Not an art, but a science. The strongest married couples have established a real relationship. A partnership based on a foundation of shared values, admiration, and respect. It is a strong foundation that allows a loving couple to grow into a loving family. If the foundation is strong, then the love really never goes away. It just develops. And matures. The most important element in establishing and maintaining a strong foundation is open communication and honesty. This critical determining factor in whether love will last is never sex or passion. It is intimacy, characterized by a sense of sharing, support and kindness. How To Set the Foundation Jeff Trinci is a relationship expert based in Portland, Or. He runs a couple of websites, including The Grooms List, a host of resources dedicated to grooms and soon-to-be grooms. He also runs MarriageReady, an assessment for couples to test the strength of their relationship and help improve their compatibility. As part of MarriageReady, couples separately take a Relationship Assessment test that is 100 questions long. The assessment measures 9 areas of couple typology to determine if couples are congruous, or if they need improvement. The 9 areas include spiritual beliefs, family, children, money, sex and intimacy, chores and responsibilities, life goals, and communication. Of those assessments, open communication and honestly consistently rank as the common elements of strong marriages. Being open and honest with each other in all aspects of a relationship. Being able to speak the truth, even if the truth hurts or it's hard to say. Being able to admit weaknesses and show vulnerability. Jeff says the other important thing that couples can do for each other is to put their needs above everything else. Placing each other as the highest priority is the key to a strong marriage. "If you get a promotion, or if something good happens at work, who is the first person you call? Typically, the first person that you call should be your best friend. Your wife should be your best friend," says Jeff. If guys want to keep their wives happy, they must place the wants and needs of their wife above everything else. The wife should always be the first priority. Relationships start to crack when the partner stops becoming the first priority. A good marriage is a mindset. You can have a good marriage if you choose to. It is your decision to ignore your partner, take them for granted, stop loving them, and let the marriage die on the vine. It is your decision to show them attention, affection, and love. Life essentially comes down to the choices that we make. We can choose to be negative, and pick fights, and be unhappy. Or we can choose to focus on the positive, and show gratitude, and be happy. This advice mainly falls upon the men. In general, women are hardwired to be more committed to relationships and more focused on the family. That is an evolutionary function of the woman as the child bearer, and the child raiser. They are more monogamous by nature than men. That is why it is imperative of men to give a stronger, more committed effort to their wives and their families. As the patriarch, the man must fulfill his duties in the relationship with more commitment. Realize a lot of difficult patches in a relationship are influenced by outside factors (work, friends, family, money). Have patience that these difficult situations will resolve themselves. If you want to learn more about crafting the perfect proposal and marrying the woman of your dreams, then check out my book "The Ultimate Marriage Proposal: The Guide to Meeting the Girl of Your Dreams, Crafting the Ultimate Proposal, and Living